THOSE RECURRING NEGATIVE VOICES

For me, negative self-talk feels like ugly little monsters whispering in my ear. The creepy little things tend to show up unexpectedly and try to ruin perfectly good ideas.

Although it’s not entirely true, I feel as though I have never been successful at anything. When I resurrected the idea of doing a blog, one of my first thoughts led me down that same old path: It’s a great idea, but you’ll never follow through to success. A friend recommended that I become familiar with the author Christian D. Larson. I started reading  “Your Forces and How to Use Them” and the demons were awakened.

Growing up I was considered pretty darn smart, and I was put into advanced courses. But nothing was ever good enough:  why didn’t I get an A plus instead of an A? Continuously. In every single aspect of my life.  So, when I was about 16, I gave up and didn’t even try anymore. I took classes that would no longer be of any use if I wanted to go to college (that’s a whole other story). I  just took typing and accounting and any business courses that would get me a job and get me out of the house. Away from hearing what a failure I was. So now all these years later, I still feel I have failed at everything I’ve started (even if I really haven’t). I’m afraid to start again. Not because I don’t have great ideas but because those long-ago voices tell me that I’m worthless and pathetic and trivial and will never do well at anything.

Opposition Is Not Well Received

Those little whispering monsters that whisper to me don’t seem to like what Christian Larson is saying in this book. The message I’m hearing in just the early chapters is that one must rise above one’s body and soul and direct oneself from another vantage point. Of course, the demons are coming out of the shadows saying how stupid that is and how stupid I am to believe that.

So, What’s The Answer?

I’ve decided to pursue EMDR therapy once again. It’s an amazing therapy that originated to help Vietnam war veterans who were suffering from PTSD. Why, I wonder, am I delving into those dark portals of my mind at this age? There are stories to share later about that, but I want to leave everyone with the thought (and stress to myself) that it’s never too late.

Share your voice with me. What are some common misconceptions about the usefulness of therapy for older adults, and how can these be addressed?

“The Body Keeps the Score” is the book that kickstarted my journey towards healing. I think the three books about parenting would be excellent gifts for parents of young children, not as an indictment of bad parenting but as an acknowledgment of the difficulties in parenting. “Your Forces” was written many years ago and tends to be a hard but worthwhile read.